Captivating

Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul

By John and Stasi Eldrege

So I’m about halfway through the book Captivating, and wanted to take some time to reflect on what I’ve learned from it so far. It talks about the purpose of life for both men and women- what they were created by God to be and to do. Men and women are very different, revealing different qualities of God. The book obviously goes into great detail, but here’s a brief overview of what I took away.

Men have three core desires in their hearts:

1.     Every man wants a battle to fight.

a.     This can be seen in little boys wanting to play with toy weapons, light sabers, air soft guns, pirate swords. They wrestle and slam each other into walls to show affection. They watch action movies, filled with battles and fights and heroes.

2.     Men long for adventure.

a.     It can be seen in little boys jumping and climbing and crashing. They want to be tested, and to discover they have what it takes.

3.     Every man longs for a Beauty to rescue.

a.     Men need someone to fight for. “There is nothing that inspires a man to courage so much as the woman he loves.” Men long to offer their strength on behalf of a woman- because they were created to do so by God.

All women, in their heart of hearts, desire three things:

1.     to be romanced

a.     we want to be the beauty, abducted by the bad guys, then fought for and rescued by the hero… we love feeling wanted and fought for

b.     we want to be precious to someone, to be pursued, desired, wanted as a woman

2.     to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure

a.     women are meant to be warriors too, but warriors in a uniquely feminine way… we long to be needed and irreplaceable

b.     we desire adventure that is shared; not adventure merely for adventure’s sake, but for it requires of us for others

c.      made in the image of a perfect relationship, we are relational to the core of our beings

3.     to unveil beauty

a.     think of a little girl twirling her skirt and making up a song and dance routine… she goes up to her mom or dad and asks if they would like to hear her song, not really caring if she is an interruption, fully expecting to be delighted in. A little girl in her glory is unashamed of her desire to delight and to be delighted in.

b.     we desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are

c.      God is beautiful, and women reflect that beauty in a unique way.

It's pretty cool how you can see how God made men and women to be together!

Now, although man was created first, woman is certainly not the “leftover.” In Genesis 2:7, “God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.” Yep- that is pretty dang cool! And yet, God said that something was missing. And that something is Eve. And so “God cast a deep slumber on the man, and he slept, and He took one of his ribs and closed over the flesh where it had been, and the Lord God built the rib He had taken from the man into a woman, and brought her to the man.” (Gen 2:21-23)

Eve is the Master’s finishing touch, the crescendo of creation. She fills a place in the world nothing and no one else can fill. Eve bears the image of God in a different way than Adam does.

Women display God’s desire for relationships, that He is relational to His core, and that He has a heart for romance. He longs to share adventures with us. Women show that God has a beauty to unveil. Women are naturally relational; they talk and are relational creatures from their beginning. “The vast desire and capacity a woman has for intimate relationships tells us of God’s vast desire and capacity for intimate relationships.” Yep- God desires relationships with every single one of us. And women help display this character trait of God. Wow.

God longs to love us, and also to be loved by us.  He wants to be your priority. He wants us to love Him, to seek Him with our whole hearts (Matt 22:36-38). God longs to be desired just as women long to be desired. He has a passionate and romantic heart!

Now this is one of the coolest things I’ve ever learned. Women so often feel insignificant. But when God created Eve, He called her an “ezer kenegdo.”

“It is not good for man to be alone, I shall make him an ezer kenegdo.” Gen 2:18

Hebrew scholar Robert Alter has spent years translating the book of Genesis, and says this phrase is “notoriously difficult to translate.”  The various English versions we have are helper, companion, and help meet. The word ‘ezer’ is used only 20 other places in the entire Old Testament, and in every other instance the person being described by the word is God himself, and in situations where you need Him to come through for you desperately. (Deur 33:26,29, Ps 121:1-2, Ps 20:1-2, Ps 33:20, Ps 115:9-11). Most of these contexts are life and death, and God is your only hope- your ‘ezer.’ A better translation would be LIFESAVER.  And ‘kenegdo’ means alongside.  So yes, Eve is essential as Adam’s ezer kenegdo!!

God longs for Romance; God longs to be our ‘ezer kenegdo.’ God revels beauty as essential to life. And women are the image bearers of this God. So cool! Shout out to John and Stasi Eldrege for revealing to me the importance of women. 

And It’s 2014.

And another year is down in the books, time flies. Life here passes so quickly. Here’s a quick look at my 2013:

-Papa Herman had just passed away in December 2012.

-Enjoyed being a bridesmaid in Mary and Brian Evans’ wedding.

-Got my first iPhone for Christmas.

-Started off the New Year in Atlanta for the Passion Conference with Stina, Carmen, and Brittany.

-Cried at the airport as Carmen went back to Austria.

-Returned to ASU from Atlanta to work at Children’s Therapy Services the week before school started back up again.

-Met up with Sam to run a few times because we were the only ones in Jonesboro before everyone else came back.

-Ran indoor track and loved spending time with the track girls.

-Loved Valentine’s Day with my kids at Children’s Therapy Services! Precious.

-Wrote letters to Papa Ed telling him about the love of Jesus, knowing that he only had a few months of life left.

-Took a ridiculous course load of science classes as pre-req’s for OT school.

-Went to Washington D.C. and to Williamsburg, VA on Spring Break with Dad and Mia to visit Papa Ed and say goodbye to him, and to see Aunt Lisa and Uncle Clark.

-Cried leaving Papa Ed and watching him cry and not be able to talk…. Will never forget seeing him like that.

-Went to the David Platt Secret Church event back in Jonesboro.

-Ran outdoor track and tried out the steeple chase.

-Spent Easter with Christina Fink and a group of married couples at Aaron and Laura Lavender’s house. Enjoyed the fellowship.

-Papa Ed passed away, flew into Baltimore and drove to Middleburg for his funeral.

-Helped spread his ashes in the backyard.

-Finished out the semester at ASU, enjoyed living with Amalie, missed Mary being our other roommate, watched Michele stress over PT school.

-Last week of school, I ran a 5k on the track and Coach Chandler had Ashleigh and Heather help pace me- first time breaking 20 minutes in the 5k. 19:35.

-Cried my last day of work at Children’s Therapy Services- got so attached to those kiddos: Asya, Shylee, Jacob, Heath, Chestin, Adam, Matthew, Jackson

-Moved back to St. Louis in May.

-Wasn’t sure where God wanted me to be over the summer, wasn’t working, trained for a half marathon and my first triathlon.

-Church hopped with my mom, ended up liking a non-denominational church called Destiny that has really solid teaching and contemporary worship.

-Had the joy of doing Bible studies with Mia over the summer

-Went to Chicago for a long weekend for the Chicago half marathon with Kristina and Sam- had an absolute blast.

-Drove down to Southern Arkansas with the track girls for Bailey and Nathan Eller's wedding- beautiful.

-Went to Springfield, IL for my first triathlon- the Iron Abe Olympic distance triathlon.

-Went to Atlanta for D.J. and Cayla’s wedding- absolutely beautiful and so much fun to see a bunch of family that I rarely see.

-Got hired to work for as a para for Special School District at Neuwoehner High School.

-Got hired to work as the Varsity Assistant Soccer Coach at Clayton High School.

-Found out I would be in the autism department; met Katie, April, and Demarco, who I would spend countless hours with over the next school year.

-Was crazy busy but really enjoyed the boys soccer season at Clayton.

-Ran my first full marathon October 27, 2013, finished in 3:26:48 and qualified for Boston, thanks to the help of Kristina and the beets!

-Ended up with a stress fracture, and had to take some time off running, but it was worth it.

-Nana and Tilda both came in town for the week to visit for Thanksgiving Break. Enjoyed spending time with them. Aunt Kelly and the Redmond’s also came over for Thanksgiving Dinner.

-Finished my applications to Occupational Therapy school. Applied to SLU, Washington University, Milligan College, Florida Gulf Coast University, and Boston University.

-Spent Christmas Eve with Mom and Aunt Kelly, went over to Chris Costello’s to see all of the cousins- huge white elephant party.

-Spent Christmas Day with Dad- went and saw the movie American Hustle, which I actually didn’t like at all. But it was nice to spend time together. We also ate a really nice Christmas dinner together.

-Went to Ohio for Allison and Heath’s wedding.

-Went to Chicago to visit Kristina and go out for New Year’s Eve.

-Met up with mom’s cousins on her dad’s side who I had never met; went to the Cheesecake Factory at Woodfield Mall and enjoyed meeting all of them for the first time! They were seriously so much fun.

-Went to Haymarket and went out with some of Kristina’s friends and her brother’s friends for New Year’s Eve. Brought in the New Year with a beer brewed freshly in the bar. (Still not a fan of beer)

-And now here I am: January 1, 2014.

New Year’s Resolutions

So everyone does this thing where you make commitments to change all of these bad habits in the new year, but they generally last a few weeks and then they are gone. The most stereotypical is the gym memberships and the crowded cardio rooms from Jan 1^st -20^th. Within a few weeks, the regular gym-goers get their favorite treadmills back and there are no longer lines to use the pull-up bar. With this being said, I don’t have any specific resolutions, no list that I want to try to accomplish in 2014. This year, like every year of the rest of my life, my “resolution” is to fall more in love with Jesus. My prayer is that I will know Jesus more in January 2015 than I do now in January 2014. Knowing Jesus and making Him known leads to all of the other “resolutions” that I would make. If I am in love with Jesus, then I will love other people more, serve other people more, pray more, be more committed to reading my Bible, develop more Christ-like character, become more loyal, honest, peaceful, gentle, faithful, joyful. Being in love with Jesus means taking care of your physical body, so that you can best serve as an ambassador for the Lord and best serve those around you.  Any New Year’s Resolution I would make can be fulfilled by falling more in love with my Savior. So I pray that God allows my love for Him and His people to deepen daily.  Cheers to 2014.

26.2 Miles of Lessons

Things I Learned From My First Full Marathon:

1.       A marathon is more mental than physical.

Although it does require physical training, a marathon is truly more about mental toughness than anything else. Even while training for the race, the grueling training schedule requires more mental toughness than physical toughness. Throughout the fall, I would teach from 7-2:30, and then coach soccer every day after school. If we had practice, I would stay at the park to run from about 5:30-7:30 after practice was over, or drive straight to a park and get my run in there. If it was a game day, I would run during whatever time we had before our game, or use the workout room and get some alternative in, just do whatever I could. There were many times that my brain told me to go home and get a 30-minute nap in rather than go straight to Clayton and run. But once I started the workout, my physical body was usually fine.  Gotta be mentally tough to get past those things. Race day, as well, is all about mental toughness. You are smart early on, and go out at the right pace. Mile after mile, you make sure you’re hitting your pace. Not too fast, not too slow. At about mile 22, you continuously tell yourself that you feel great even when you want to lay down on the street and curl up in a ball.  Mental, mental, mental.

2.       The human body has an amazing ability to block out pain.

As I am typing this, I am looking down at the boot on my left leg. I hate wearing a boot. I hate answering the same question 50 times per day about “what happened to my foot.”  I should really just make a sign that says, ‘it’s actually not my foot, it’s my shin.’ Some time during my marathon training, I developed a stress fracture in my left tibia. I thought it was just shin splints for a long time, but sure enough it turned out to be a fracture. On race day, I could feel the exact pinpoints of pain in the places that the bone is fractured. Mile after mile, pounding on pavement, I could feel that specific point in the bone. But somehow, when you really want something, your body has an ability to just block out the pain. It’s almost like my brain knew that I wasn’t going to stop running, so it just ignored the pain signals that the tibia was sending it. When you’re really determined, you can’t be stopped.

3.      I’m not the exception.

Continuing on from my last point, I developed a stress fracture from running a few too many miles. I remember developing my training plan and looking up a lot of information about how to best train for a marathon. There are tons of guidelines to follow to help prevent injuries. I remember thinking, “I’ll be fine. I know it happens but it won’t happen to me.” Why do we always think that we are the exception? As I look down at this boot on my leg, I am reminded that I am not the exception. I increased my mileage by way too much and way too fast. I ran on pavement rather than soft surfaces. I’m not invincible.

4.      Encouragement from others makes a huge difference.

I can’t even begin to explain how helpful it is to have people cheering you on when you’re trying to do something difficult. No matter what it is, knowing that you have people on your team who want you to succeed makes a huge difference. The first ten miles were filled with people yelling and cheering, holding up posters and encouraging runners to keep going. Then, around mile 10, the half and full marathons split. The halfers went back downtown for their final 5k, and the full marathoners headed toward Forest Park for a second 13-mile loop. There was a stretch of about 4-5 miles where there were no bands set up, and very few people cheering for you. You were starting to get tired, and couldn’t even begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel yet. The adrenaline slowed down when no one was there cheering you on, and you ran quietly alone along the side of the highway. The best thing that I had going for me is that I knew that my friend Kristina would be waiting for me around mile 17 or 18, and would join the race and run the last 8 or so miles with me. Knowing that was coming up was so motivating for me. Then, when I saw my mom and my aunt, and Kristina joined me in the race, it’s like I got a whole new wave of energy. We are made for relationships. My secret weapon took me through the home stretch, and even helped me to pick up the pace without realizing it. I’m so thankful for her. As we neared the finish, I knew that my family would be waiting to watch the finish. I knew they’d be there cheering me on. I can’t even put into words how big of a difference encouragement makes! Always encourage those around you.

5.       Running is truly a science.       

This one I didn’t necessarily learn from the marathon. I really learned it from the cross country coach at Arkansas State University. He taught us all about the way that sleeping and eating and heart rate zones and blah, blah, blah all affect how fast you are. We needed to do certain things to develop red blood cells and increase oxygen reuptake and build mitochondria and so on and so forth. But it’s really true. The human body is like a machine that can be programmed and made to be very efficient. Training for the marathon, it was pretty cool to see my resting heart rate go down as my fitness level went up. The more I train, the more I realize that everything I do, everything I put in my mouth, my level of stress, all of my decisions, play a role in the science of fitness.

6.     Accomplishments only come with self-discipline.

This one’s pretty standard for a marathon follow-up, but I just can’t leave it out. In all areas of life, success requires self-discipline. If you want to get good grades, study hard. If you want to make a lot of money, you have to earn it. If you want to be a good runner, you have to train hard. This means finding a way to get your workout in when you’re crazy busy. This means eating healthy food. This means getting proper sleep. This means looking like a “loser” because you drink water at the bar. But I’ll tell ya what, the feeling you get when you cross that finish line makes any “sacrifice” well worth it.

7.       Realize where you’re at.

During the marathon, every mile was different. Some were flat, easy, and filled with people cheering you on. Others were uphill, quiet, lonely and filled with thoughts of suicide. But each one was unique. We’re constantly faced with new seasons of life. We live in different places, work different jobs, take different classes, try new things, go through phases of favorite foods, meet new people, and have different routines. It’s important to take the time to realize what season of life we’re in while we’re in it. It may be a season we really enjoy, or it may be a struggle that we need to push through. No matter what, realize where you’re at.

8.     If you want it, go and get it.

When I run, I listen to Pandora on my phone. I love Pandora, and am not going to complain over free music, but it tends to repeat songs pretty frequently. One particular song that seemed to always be playing during my training was Selena Gomez’s “Come and Get it.” The real lyrics say, “when you’re ready, come and get it” and I think they may be talking about sex. However, I changed these lyrics in my head to, “When you’re ready, go and get it.” That slight change made this song a total pump up song for me while I ran. My goal was to qualify for the Boston Marathon. Boston, Boston, Boston. When I didn’t feel like running after a hot, August soccer practice, the song would always seem to come on at just the right time. When you’re ready to achieve your goal, go and get it. Go ahead, get started kind of thing. If you want it, go and get it.

9.     Accept advice from older, wiser folks.

I love old people. When I talk to them, I just want their wisdom to soak into my pores. I went downtown the night before the race to pick up my runner's number from the expo. With what started by asking which direction it was to the closest restroom, I somehow got into a conversation with an elderly man who was running his 37th marathon. This wise man told me something that I'll never forget: "When you cross that finish line, you just have to know without a shadow of a doubt that you gave every ounce of energy inside you. You've done your training and you are prepared, now go out and truly give it your all." That conversation replayed in my mind and encouraged me throughout the 26.2-mile race. Those words also apply to a career, or to anything we do in life. Each day, you have to finish your work knowing "without a shadow of a doubt that you gave every ounce of energy inside you." This was wonderful advice.

Proverbs 13:20 “Walk with the wise and become wise.”

110.   Set goals. And pursue them wholeheartedly.

I remember my first ever cross country meet as a sophomore in high school. My goal was to finish the 5k without walking. I truly didn’t care if I finished the race in five hours, as long as all of those five hours were spent in some type of jogging motion. We accomplish our goals, and then set the bar higher. Eventually I ran my first half marathon, with my goal being to finish in under two hours. Since then, I have run many more half marathons, and got into 5k’s and 10k’s as well. No matter the distance, we work to improve. For my first full marathon, I had two goals. The first was simply to finish the race. I didn’t know what would happen, but I knew that I wanted to finish, even if it meant crawling over that finish line. My second goal was to qualify for Boston, meaning that I had to run 3:35 or under. Having this goal in mind is what allowed me to focus my training. In all of my distance training runs, I tried to hit about 8-minute miles to learn the pace and get used to hitting it. I wanted to qualify for Boston so bad, I would think about it often during training runs, and it provided motivation. Setting a goal also allows us to develop a game plan of how to get there. We set goals, and we pursue them wholeheartedly. Fall down seven times, stand up eight. I seriously can’t wait for Boston 2015!!!

Learning to Love Like Pups

Pups has been teaching me so much about my relationship with God in the past week. Pups’ genuine love for me has caused me to evaluate my heart for God.

After being at school for a few months, I came home on Friday for Thanksgiving Break to the warmest welcome home I have ever experienced. Pups was going absolutely ballistic, running in circles and jumping up and down and barking because he could not contain his excitement. He was jumping on the furniture, doing laps through the house, and just wanting me to hold him or touch him or pet him. Literally all week long, he has been all over me. He sleeps in my bed, with his little paws wrapped tightly around me. He listens to everything I say. If I tell him to move to a different spot on the bed, he obeys because he knows that it will please me. He so desperately wants to please me, not because he's to earn anything for himself, but simply because he loves me so much. He isn’t trying to earn an extra bone or a longer walk in the morning. He just loves me, and wants to be obedient to me out of love. He follows me around the house, never wanting to leave my side. It’s honestly hard for me to leave home, because he cries and whines and looks at me with these sad puppy dog eyes and watches me through the window as I pull out. Even from the end of the driveway, I can see that sad look in his eyes as I drive off without him. He wants nothing more than to be in my presence. He wants to come in the car. He doesn’t care where we are going, he just wants to be there with me. It’s really the sweetest dang thing. It’s the most genuine, unconditional love.

These things clearly reflect a person’s relationship with God. Do we genuinely love Him? Do we long to be in His presence? Do we jump up and down with excitement over spending time with Him? If someone looked at our lives, would it be clear based on your daily life that you love Him?

When I take hPups running, he completely trusts me. He stays by my side, and trusts that where I am taking him is safe. We run through the neighborhood, through parks, across busy streets, up and down and back through trails. If I were to run in front of a car, he would be right by my side. He trusts me without hesitation. And it is true, I love him back, and am looking out for his best interest. Sometimes, he doesn’t want to stop at the crosswalk. He wants to just keep going! But sometimes, there’s a car whipping around the corner, and it’s not safe to keep going. He wants to get to the other side of the street, which looks like so much fun, but the path to get there is not safe yet. I hold him back. For him, at the time, he might not understand why I would make him stop running and ruin the fun, but he trusts me anyway. I keep him on a leash because I love him, not because I am trying to make running a little bit less fun for him or because I enjoy restraining his freedom. I love him and want to make sure he is safe!

Do we trust God completely? Are we ok with being put on a “leash” if that means that God is keeping us safe? Do we trust Him that His prevention of certain ‘fun’ things in our lives is for our benefit? Do we stay right at our Master’s side, or do we try with all our might to break the leash?  

Sometimes I take him outside to play without a leash on. I generally take him somewhere safe, not near a busy highway or something crazy. But when he doesn't have the leash on, I have to trust that he will listen to my commands. If there is a car coming, I'll probably back up quite a bit and tell him to sit and stay. But it is still his choice to obey this command or disobey this command. He had the freedom to run in front of the car. Maybe there's a squirrel on the other side of the street, and it looks like so much fun to go chase that squirrel for a minute. That temptation is there. I'm not telling him to sit and stay to ruin his fun of chasing the squirrel, I'm giving him these commands because they are in his own best interest. He might not have the ability to realize that at the moment. He might not have the ability to realize that ever. But that doesn't make it any less true.

We, too, have the freedom to obey or disobey God. His commands for us are for our own best interest. He knows that sin will destroy our lives. It brings only bad things for us. Sometimes, it may seem that the sinful decision is more fun, kind of like chasing the squirrel. But God tells us to stay, because there just might be a car racing around the corner that we cannot see because our eyes are glued to that squirrel (or any temptation). God doesn't give us commands to ruin our lives and prevent us from having fun. On the contrary, He loves us that much. We might not have the ability to realize that He sees something that we can't see (like the car), and that He is protecting us from it. We have to trust Him, that His commands for us are because He truly loves us. 

Every time I walk in the door, even if I’ve only been gone for an hour, or for 15 minutes, Pups greets me with excitement. His love is so genuine! He jumps up on me and nuzzles my hands because he is genuinely excited to be with me! If this were just a routine, however, I wouldn’t feel the love. If I trained him to stand up and walk over to me and bark three times and lick my hand, and he did this every time I walked in the door, I wouldn’t feel the love. Although these actions might look similar on the outside, the heart behind them is completely different, and the Master feels the genuine love that comes from the heart.

Do we “spend time” with God out of a true desire of our heart to meet with Him? Or are we in a routine where we have been “trained” to read our Bibles for 15 minutes every morning or say a thirty-second prayer before we eat? God doesn’t care about worthless deeds, He cares about our hearts behind them.

Here’s another what-if scenario. Let’s say that every time I came home, Pups was excited to see me and showed me all kinds of affection. Feeling the love, I wanted to reward him in return. I was not obligated to, but I wanted to. So I started giving him a Milkbone after he greeted me at the door. After a few weeks, let’s pretend that Pups started to like the Milkbone more than he liked me. Even though I’m the one who bought the Milkbone from the store, brought it home, opened the bag, and put it in his mouth. All of that came from me. When I got home, he was no longer excited about seeing me, he was excited about me giving him the Milkbone. He started to love the gifts I provided more than he loved me for myself. This would be very hurtful to me! If I stopped providing the Milkbone, would he still love me? Or would he feel as though I had removed something from his life that he “deserved?”

Are we obedient to Him because we love Him, or because we want rewards for ourselves? Are we obedient to Him at all? Do we “spend time” with Him out of a true desire of our heart to meet with Him? Or are we more in love with Creation than the Creator?

Food for thought. Shout out to Pups for being the best and most snuggly dog ever.