Psalm 19:1

"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands! "  -Ps 19:1

Romans 6:21

I came upon this verse a few months ago, and have been thinking about it ever since. Paul is writing a letter to the Romans, and in chapter six, is explaining the concept of being dead to sin and alive in Christ. When a person is saved, becomes a Christian, surrenders their life to God, they are set free of whatever sin they were enslaved to and become a slave of a perfect God instead. Becoming a slave to God, however, is enjoyable, wonderful. He knows this, which is why He tells us: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you REST." (Matthew 11:28). He wants to set us free of our bondage! Everyone, even those who seem the most perfect, are in bondage to something. Whether it's relationships, perfectionism, appearance, school, sports, pride, the list goes on and on. For me, it's appearance/body image, and this is NOT a good master! But I do have to be thankful for this. I became SO weary and SO burdened, that I figured out that I had to run to God in order to find rest, in order to be set free, in order to LIVE. God made me into a new creation (2 Cor 5:17), one who is no longer enslaved to my sin.Romans 6:21 says this:

"What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death!"

This is so true. I AM a new creation, and I am no longer living enslaved, but that doesn't mean my struggles don't still tempt me. Oh they sure do! And, unfortunately, that also doesn't mean that I never give in to them. I still find myself sometimes believing LIES and falling into traps. It seems so appealing at the time. I want that temporary comfort, even though I logically know that the comfort is temporary, and ultimately is not comforting at all. The only thing that will bring me true comfort is God, and I have to run to Him instead. But still, I make mistakes seeking the immediate comfort that sin gives me, and later on look back and am ashamed of my actions. "What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death!" I have to constantly remind myself of this. The benefit that seems so appealing in the moment is something that I will be ashamed of and that results in death! 

In a book I've been reading called Who You Are When No One's Looking, Bill Hybels talks about this same concept in his chapter about discipline.  He says that the "essence of discipline is delayed gratification, and the key to practicing discipline is advanced decision making."  When I am tempted to fall into the temporary comfort of sin, it takes discipline to know that the delayed gratification that comes from waiting is worth the wait.  For me, advanced decision making is very important.  If I know the things I struggle with, I know that it is important for me to not fall into them, then I have to make decisions in advance of what I will do when tempted with situations that might cause me to stumble.  

God wants us to flee our evil desires, and to run to Him instead (2 Tim 2:22). My temporary comforts are NOTHING in comparison with eternity with a perfect God. All I can do is thank Him for His perfect love, and strive to live for Him every single day.

Self Love

Being home for Christmas Break has definitely been a challenge for me spiritually.  I often fall back into the traps that i used to if I'm not careful while at home.  The environment here is so different from at school.  But being home isn't an excuse to justify not living my life for God 100%.  Something I've been really struggling with is self love.  Sometimes, I just can't help but wonder how a perfect God could possibly love ME?  I know, logically, that I am now His beloved Child, and that He loves me unconditionally.  Because of His love, I am called to love others, and even to love myself.  

Learning how to love yourself is a big task.  What I am learning is that these thoughts of self-hatred are the works of the devil. He loves to watch us hate ourselves, to abuse ourselves, to destroy what God created. We cannot let evil prevail, however! The temptations are there, the thoughts are there, but they are coming straight from the evil one. God tells us to know ourselves accurately (Rom 12:3), to love ourselves, to not be haughty but also not be self-degrading, and to understand our God-given value. Genesis 1:26 says “Let us
make man in Our image, according to Our likeness… So God created man in His own image; He created him in the image of God.” God is both personal and is eternal, and we too are people with eternal destinies. We are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14), and should value our intrinsic worth. God values each individual person, and we should too, including ourselves. God tells us how much He values us: more than birds (Matthew 6:26), more than sheep (Matthew 12:12), and more than the physical universe (2 Peter 3:10-13). He says that the physical universe will be destroyed, but He will preserve His children forever. He loves us and bought us at a price (1 Cor 6:20). That price was higher than anything imaginable! We have to trust God, because He knows exactly what He’s doing (Isaiah 45:9). I need to stop comparing myself to others. He made me exactly as I am for a reason, and I don’t need to compare myself to obtain my self-worth. Each person’s uniqueness is absolutely beautiful! An article I read gave five steps for me to use to learn to love myself:

In the first, I need to ask God to forgive my self-degradation. It is painful for Him to watch me suffer, watch me hate myself, watch me destroy myself. We are God’s children, and it is painful for Him to watch any of His beloved children in such pain. This stems from comparison, and I need to ask for forgiveness. The good news is that if we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive them (1 John 1:9). I have a lot of trouble caring about myself, even though I need to.  I have to continually ask Him:  break my heart for what breaks yours.

In the second step, I need to pray that I can properly view, value, and love myself, and I need to actually have faith to believe that He will answer my prayers. I have to rely on God’s Holy Spirit for change, and accept that I can’t do it on my own and I need Him. God’s power will work in me. I can have confidence in Him to answer my prayers.  "In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning, I lay my requests before you, and wait in EXPECTATION." (Psalm 5:3)

The third step says for me to renew my mind. “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of the mind…” (Rom 12:2). My thoughts about myself that are negative are worldly thoughts, and I need to replace these with thoughts where I try to see myself as God sees me, as beautiful for the inside rather than the outside. I don’t have to conform, to look a certain way, to fit into a certain size, etc, for God to love me. Eph 3:18 talks about the “length and width, height and depth of God’s love,” how unbelievably BIG and FULL God’s love is. I need to be able to see myself through the lens of the love of God.  This comes from dedication, effort, and most importantly-  prayer.

The fourth step is for me to quit comparing myself. I am so bad about it, comparing myself to other people I see, other people in the room, other people on my team, in my classes, comparing myself in every part of life, when comparing is so wrong.  It is displeasing to God.  Our worth cannot be increased by comparing. Thank God that He made us unique and values our differences; what a boring world it would be if He hadn’t!  

The final step is to be patient. The distorted view that I have of myself was a slow process in forming, and it is also a slow process to get rid of it.  Being patient can be hard though, especially when it seems like there are so many temptations.  Scripture memory really is important for me here:

        1 Cor 10:13 says “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to humanity. God is faithful and He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation He will also provide a way of escape, so that you are able to bear it.”

       So many times there are certain thoughts, temptations that I have, that feel like it’s not a choice, but a necessity, to give in to them.  They seem too strong for little me to handle. But God provides a way of escape from every temptation- no exceptions!  For self love, what it comes down to is really making the effort to love myself, finding the way of escape that God promises when I am feeling tempted to destroy His perfect creation, devoting the time to prayer, providing myself with reminders, accountability, and trusting God to help me love myself and see myself as He sees me.  

Gal 6:9 says “So we must not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we DON’T GIVE UP.” 

As is true with fighting any sin, perseverance is so important!   With God all things are possible, and we are never alone in our fight. 

God sees me as His beloved child, and loves me with an intimate, tender love, that is hard to understand.  But in order to live my life filled with His love, I have to try to understand it!  In order to live in the wisdom of His accepted tender love, I have to fight against my own worst enemy, myself, and practice loving myself every single day.

THE blog.

So.... my first blog.  what to write about?  how about lindsay's funny story.  she went up to shadrachs, and met larry.  (said in unique accent).  larry knows jordan farris (his niece)-  lindsay's story did not make me laugh.  anddd movinggg onnn......

i am super bummed that all my roommates are leaving today.  oh hellooooo loneliness in the quads over the weekend.  i am working on kidnapping lindsay right now and keeping her here with me, just for the weekend.  gotta make sure to get my laughs in to keep the heart healthy!  means of kidnapping her:  using sparkle bones as a lure, and then goin in for the snatch-a-roo.

well-  i feel like this blog is a little pointless right now, and i'm sorry for wasting anyone's time who is reading this.  okk done rambling now-  time to go eat some rice cakes and nutella.  xoxo.